It's Labor Day weekend. There's a fridge full of Lone Star tall boys and hot dogs, but you're buying tickets online to see Going the Distance because the girlfriend thinks it looks cute. Wait a minute ... take the fingers off the mouse. Labor Day is about hard ... laborers. Do the holiday justice and see Machete.

Robert Rodriguez's new extra-pulpy action film first appeared in Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's 2007 Grindhouse as a fake trailer. The fully-fledged film drops this Friday.

Danny Trejo plays a machete-toting badass who is set up by his employer (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate a corrupt senator (Robert DeNiro). He seeks revenge with his old partner-turned-priest (Cheech Marin) and a taco-truck woman (Michelle Rodriguez). Steven Seagal plays a drug-lord swordsman. Lindsay Lohan plays a nun-with-a-gun. So far, so good.

Danny Trejo slinging machetes and riding a motorcycle with a machine gun? Pretty cool. Watching Michelle Rodriguez do anything (let alone shoot firearms)? Always a pleasure. Cheech Marin, dressed as a priest, blowing heads off with a shotgun? Super cool. Sometimes we underestimate the value of depth-free gratuitous violence in our lives. "Honey, I've been thinking I need to get in touch with my inner swordsman."

Of note: At some point in the film, Lindsay Lohan will be topless. So if you were a 16 year-old boy when Mean Girls came out, dreams come true, son.

Of political note: Rodriguez released a fake trailer on Cinco de Mayo, presenting Machete as a message to Arizona legislators. While principal filming took place long before the legislation was passed, the film's content remains relevant to the issue. Fox News didn't like it--surprise!

Check out the controversial trailer on the next page ...