If you're like me, you totally spaced on the fact the Emmys were on this weekend. Between the start of football season, ogling Princess Kate's chest, and avoiding the new Resident Evil movie, it's been a busy few weeks.
Anyway, this Sunday we'll learn the winners of the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards. I won't be live blogging the event because, uh, I have to wash my hair. Also, unlike with the Oscars, I've only seen a handful of shows in contention and probably wouldn't have much to offer other than cleavage updates and jokes about Jimmy Kimmel's hairpiece.
Now that I think about it, that about sums up my Oscar coverage as well.
But that won't stop me from making some ill-informed predictions. Though I must warn you in advance, any gambling losses incurred are the sole responsibility of the bettor and are not an invitation to hurl cinder blocks through my windshield.
COMEDY SERIES "The Big Bang Theory" (CBS) "Curb Your Enthusiasm" (HBO) "Girls" (HBO) "Modern Family" (ABC) "30 Rock" (NBC) "Veep" (HBO)
Curb is funnier, Girls is hipper, and 30 Rock is probably more popular among Hollywood pinkos, but MF has won the last two years, and Emmy voters are known for their inertia.
COMEDY ACTOR Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper in "The Big Bang Theory" Larry David as Himself in "Curb Your Enthusiasm" Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan in "House of Lies" Louis C.K. as Louie in "Louie" Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy in "30 Rock" Jon Cryer as Alan Harper in "Two and a Half Men"
I actually liked Cheadle in House of Lies, but my wife and I were the only people who watched it. Louis C.K. is also a favorite, but it doesn't really feel like he's "acting." That leaves Parsons, which is too bad because - due respect to our local boy - TBBT is a terrible, terrible show.
COMEDY ACTRESS Lena Dunham as Hannah Horvath in "Girls" Melissa McCarthy as Molly Flynn in "Mike & Molly" Zooey Deschanel as Jess Day in "New Girl" Edie Falco as Jackie Peyton in "Nurse Jackie" Amy Poehler as Leslie Knope in "Parks and Recreation" Tina Fey as Liz Lemon in "30 Rock" Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer in "Veep"
Jesus, how many nominations are they allowed to have? I really want Poehler to win this, but I have a sinking feeling it's going to be Deschanel. Le sigh. Hey, as long as Mike and Molly doesn't win anything, I'll call it a push.
DRAMA ACTOR Steve Buscemi as Nucky Thompson in "Boardwalk Empire" Bryan Cranston as Walter White in "Breaking Bad" Michael C. Hall as Dexter Morgan in "Dexter" Hugh Bonneville as Robert, Earl of Grantham in "Downton Abbey" Damian Lewis as Nicholas Brody in "Homeland" Jon Hamm as Don Draper in "Mad Men"
I am a serious Malcolm in the Middle fan, and while I sort of knew what Cranston was capable of, his run in Breaking Bad never fails to impress. Oh, is that another Downton Abbey nomination? That's nice.
SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTRESS Anna Gunn as Skyler White in "Breaking Bad" Maggie Smith as Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham in "Downton Abbey" Joanne Froggatt as Anna in "Downton Abbey" Archie Panjabi as Kalinda Sharma in "The Good Wife" Christine Baranski as Diane Lockhart in "The Good Wife" Christina Hendricks as Joan Holloway Harris in "Mad Men"
Everybody hates Skyler, so no. Three-time nominee Hendricks might have a shot in a non-Downton environment, but as Belloq once said, it was not to be, cherie. Dame Smith in a walk.
SUPPORTING DRAMA ACTOR Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman in "Breaking Bad" Giancarlo Esposito as Gustavo 'Gus' Fring in "Breaking Bad" Brendan Coyle as John Bates in "Downton Abbey" Jim Carter as Mr. Carson in "Downton Abbey" Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister in "Game of Thrones" Jared Harris as Lane Pryce "Mad Men"
Showing my bias again, especially considering the two-fers from both BrBa and Downton, but dammit, Dinklage deserves this.
MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE "American Horror Story" (FX) "Game Change" (HBO) "Hatfields & McCoys" (History) "Hemingway & Gellhorn" (HBO) "Luther" (BBC America) "Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia" (PBS)
The only thing Palln stands to win ever again.
LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE Connie Britton as Vivien Harmon in "American Horror Story" Julianne Moore as Sarah Palin in "Game Change" Nicole Kidman as Martha Gellhorn in "Hemingway & Gellhorn" Ashley Judd as Rebecca Winstone in "Missing" Emma Thompson as She in "The Song of Lunch"
Fine, I take it back. I might have selected Nicole Kidman except for the fact that nobody outside the United States (and quite a few inside) saw H&G.
LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE Woody Harrelson as Steve Schmidt in "Game Change" Kevin Costner as 'Devil' Anse Hatfield in "Hatfields & McCoys" Bill Paxton as Randall McCoy in "Hatfields & McCoys" Clive Owen as Ernest Hemingway in "Hemingway & Gellhorn" Idris Elba as John Luther in "Luther" Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes in "Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia"
Has anybody seen Luther? I watched maybe three episodes, and while Elba is very good, Cumberbatch is phenomenal. Plus, he has the most British name ever.
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SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE Frances Conroy as Moira in "American Horror Story" Jessica Lange as Constance Langdon in "American Horror Story" Sarah Paulson as Nicolle Wallace "Game Change" Mare Winningham as Sally McCoy in "Hatfields & McCoys" Judy Davis as Jill Tankard in "Page Eight"
I call this the "She's Still Alive?" award. Abetted by the fact none of the competition makes much of an argument.
SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE Denis O'Hare as Larry Harvey in "American Horror Story" Ed Harris as John McCain in "Game Change" Tom Berenger as Jim Vance in "Hatfields & McCoys" David Strathairn as John Dos Passos in "Hemingway & Gellhorn" Martin Freeman as Dr. John Watson in "Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia"
I think we're all pulling for Freeman, but he's got three(!) Hobbit movies coming up, but how can you resist Ed Harris as John McCain. To quote Troy McClure, it's the part he was born to play, baby.