Today, Art Attack wouldn't want to be anywhere near a Target, Best Buy or WalMart. The breed of individual that would run in that mob is a mysterious one (to put it nicely). We prefer to experience Black Friday from a safe distance--vicariously, in fact. We picked our favorite Black Friday-related videos as a gesture of participation in this absurd American tradition.

Here's hoping you bought tons of crap, you crazy sumbitches.

5. English Mini Lesson - Black Friday A creepy woman named Jennifer explains Black Friday for people learning English. Check out the 4:15 mark for her breakdown, and watch her psychotic eyes and flight-attendant-style gestures.

4. The Sugars, "Black Friday" 2008's noirish, Sin City-esque music video from UK band the Sugars.

3. Paint This Target Red and Call It Hell Observe the way these Salt Lake City residents break into a jog as they grab a shopping cart. It says a ton about the American psyche that people will quicken their stride and brawl over vacuums and flat-screens faster than they would for supplies in anticipation of a hurricane. This is humanity at its most embarrassing.

2. The Creative One "It is November 27th, 2009, 4:22 a.m.," begins this Black Friday chronicle from a year ago. A kid who goes by the name "the creative one" documents his family's trip to Target and WalMart. At one point he trains the camera on his mother. "This is crazy, isn't it Mom?" "It's insane," she mutters in a wild-eyed frenzy as she rifles through a shelf of Auto Nerf Blasters. "Jeez, Mom, you're scaring me."

1. Steely Dan, "Black Friday" The song has absolutely nothing to do with shopping, rather it's about escape, isolation and rebellion. Although Donald Fagen does have a list of things to do when Black Friday comes, including "wear no socks and shoes," "feed all the kangaroos," "dig myself a hole," and "satisfy my soul." Sounds delightful.