I’M IN TROUBLE WITH MY GIRL FOR FLIRTING WITH HER MOTHER
Dear Willie D:
My girl’s mother came to visit us the other day, and I complimented her on her beauty. I told her that she looked great, and could give any 20-year-old a run for her money (she is 49, and my girl is 22).
I could tell my girl didn’t like my comments. She stayed calm, but after her mother left, all hell broke loose. She accused me of flirting with her mom. Maybe I was flirting a little, but as I told her, it was totally innocent. I love my girl and want all of this animosity to go away. How do I get things back to normal when she won’t accept my apology?
Flirting With Disaster:
She’ll accept your apology. She’s just angry at the moment, so you’ll need to be patient. Be honest, and tell her that you didn’t think it was a big deal, but now that you know how she feels, it won’t happen again.
On a personal note, I think your girl is a drama queen and her jealousy will only get worse. It’s a sad day when a son-in-law can’t pay a compliment to his mother-in-law. It’s not like you smacked her on the butt and said, “Go to your room and take off your clothes. I’ll be there in a few.”
PAST HAUNTS ME
Dear Willie D:
I have reoccurring thoughts of how my mom would beat me and my older sister when she was on drugs and drinking alcohol. I was only six when the authorities took us away, but I remember everything. Because of the trauma associated with the beatings, I find it hard to trust and forgive others.
How do I get past the hurt?
Past Hurt:
One of the most effective ways to get past hurt is to talk about it, instead of pretending it never happened or trying to hide it. It’s better to talk to a counselor than a friend, because friends have their own issues and may eventually become overwhelmed by your dumping your problems on them.
Expressing your feelings in a support group, a journal, or through poetry or song could also be beneficial. Moving on when we’ve been hurt is one of the toughest things for any of us to do. But with time, and forward thinking, it does get better.
I’M AFRAID OF MY DAD
Dear Willie D
My dad is an alcoholic. Every day he comes home from work, it’s the same routine. He walks straight to the refrigerator (often without speaking to anybody), grabs a beer and starts drinking.
After an hour or so, he’ll start walking around the house cursing for no apparent reason. I’m embarrassed to bring my friends over to visit, and I’m scared he might harm me or my mom. I’m only 17, and small for my age. My dad is a tall, muscular man. What should I do?
Same Routine:
As long as he isn’t hitting on you or your mom, I say hang in there. You only have a year or so before you’re out of the house. So take this time to focus on your studies and get a good education. A good education will provide the tools you need to attain a good career, and a future that includes moving out of your parents’ house.
After you move into your own place, go back for Mom. Then your dad can drink and curse as loud as he wants.
SHOULD I STOP SEEING MY GIRL UNTIL HER EX IS OUT OF THE PICTURE?
Dear Willie D:
The new girl I’m seeing just came out of a relationship with her boyfriend of three years. They have broken up many times, but this time she swears it’s really over. The guy is a bit of a nut case, so my sister has warned me to steer clear of her for a while to avoid any leftover feelings he may have.
She is a wonderful girl, and we get along great. Should I follow my sister’s advice or take my chances?
It’s Really Over:
I would. Much of your dilemma could be solved by knowing who broke up with whom. If he broke up with her and she’s over him, smash the gas. But if she broke up with him, pump your brakes.
No matter how much I enjoy a woman’s company, I’m not rushing into a relationship with someone who is fresh out of a relationship where one of the participants is still hurting. My friend’s cousin recently killed his children’s mother and her new boyfriend after being separated for one month.
Getting involved with someone who recently ended an intimate relationship can put you in some bad situations.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.
This article appears in Jul 21-27, 2016.
