On September 1, 1939, German forces invaded Poland. Soviet troops
joined the attack (in adherence to the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact) on
September 16, and by the first of October, the country was entirely in
enemy hands, and World War II was well underway.
Poland and its people have had enough problems, what with being
partitioned (by Russia, Prussia, and Austria), then fighting against
Czarist ambitions, Nazi Germany, and finally the Soviet Union, without
putting up with constant jokes about their screen-door submarines and
inability to change light bulbs. To help ameliorate this, and to
commemorate the 70th anniversary of the September Campaign, here are
some of the more memorable Polish characters from TV and film.
5. Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) — The Big Lebowski
Just because a man is an adherent of a faith that is home to — as he
says, “three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy
Koufax” — doesn’t mean he can’t visualize murdering a pederast with a
predilection for eight-year-olds.
Come to think of it, isn’t “Lebowski” a Polish name, too? It’s like a
damn Krzysztof Kieslowski movie.
4. Det. Stan ‘Wojo’ Wojciehowicz (Max Gail) — Barney
Miller
Granted, not a movie character, but surely some allowances can be made
for Max Gail’s big galoot of a `70s cop, who somehow managed to elude
criticism in spite of the fact that he was the embodiment of just about
every perceived negative aspect of Polishness, right down to the bad
haircut.
3. The Bielski Brothers — Defiance (2008)
Less remarkable than the fact that the four Bielski siblings were able
to keep some 1,200 Jewish refugees alive in the forests of Belarus for
three years is the determined effort by all involved in the movie to
avoid pointing out that blond, blue-eyed Tuvia Bielski (Daniel Craig) is
obviously a Nazi infiltrator.
2. Marek Brzeczyszczykiewicz (Mariusz Pujszo) — Gunblast
Vodka (2000)
You can be forgiven for missing this one. After all, the title sounds
like someone who speaks English as a second language randomly pulled two
words from a John Milius screenplay. The character of police inspector
Brzeczyscalifragalistic is as nasty a cop as we’ve seen since Bad
Lieutenant. And Angie Everheart spends most of the movie in mud.
How this didn’t outgross Titanic is a mystery to me.
1. Stanley Kowalski (Marlon Brando) — A Streetcar Named
Desire (1951)
As popular as this movie was, it’s surprising more people didn’t develop
a more positive impression of the Polish people based on Brando’s hunky
appearance. Even New Orleans without air conditioning must be tolerable
when you’ve got pecs like that.
This article appears in Aug 27 – Sep 2, 2009.
