School Year Opens, As It Always Does

School has begun today for HISD and other area districts, which means you’ll have to put up with several inevitable developments.

Here are five of the worst:

Mom blogs. Generally a bane to society, as evidenced by the Chron‘s newest house ad for them: “We’re the Moms no one warned our kids about” — so wild!! No old-fashioned stuff here!!

Just lots of pictures and items on innocent kids who have no say in the matter, and will therefore grow up either a) utterly embarrassed and appalled that their parents decided to write about every little thing that happened to them, or b) narcissists who genuinely believe every little thing they do is worth being photographed and written about.

Things get much worse on the first day of school. Yes, time does goddamn fly. No, the ironically hip lunchbox your kid has isn’t as cool as you think. Yes, you will get dozens of comments from other Mom bloggers giving you support for every moment of doubt you express, reassurances that your kid is oh-so-cute, and support that any disputes between the school and your kid will not be the fault of your kid, who obviously is an unappreciated genius.

Crying-kid pictures. The media can’t help it — the return to
school always brings with it video or photos of some poor overwhelmed
kindergartener on the brink of tears. Whether this will result in that
kid getting teased mercilessly the next day is not of much concern to the media, apparently.

“Things went smoothly.” That’s the report from every school
district, now perhaps delivered via Twitter. There may be a hiccup or
two, but generally things always go smoothly. Which should mean it’s a
non-story, but it’s the First Day of School, dammit!!

Uncomfortable photo ops by superintendents. Oh, they’re so happy to
be back roaming the halls, enjoying the raucous chaos, being on the
front lines because that’s really what it’s all about. And then they
get the hell out of there as fast as they can in order to get back to
running meetings full of fawning subordinates.

More damn traffic. Seriously, can’t more of you people
home-school your kids? It’s the only way they’re going to learn about
Obama’s death panels, after all.