Pop Rocks

Pop Rocks: 10 Women Jennifer Aniston Is Definitely Sexier Than

Men's Health magazine, which I'd always assumed was largely aimed at the gay population (much like Field & Stream), recently declared Jennifer Aniston the "sexiest woman of all time:"

Forget that "Sexiest Woman Alive" nonsense. Jennifer Aniston has just been named "Sexiest Woman of All Time" by readers of Men's Health magazine.

In their explanation of why the 42-year-old "Horrible Bosses" star topped the poll, the editors of Men's Health wrote, "'Funny is sexy, and Jennifer Aniston is funny. Her down-to-earth persona makes her seem attainable, and anyone who's seen her in 'Office Space' has to admit she makes even pieces of flair look good." [...] Aniston also beat out Raquel Welch, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears, Madonna, Ursula Andress, Bettie Page, Pamela Anderson and Jane Fonda.

And there was much gnashing of teeth. Look, I've had my issues with the former Friend in the past, but rather than trot out a laundry list of my own sexiest women contenders (WHERE'S LYNDA CARTER?), I thought I'd acknowledge that there are, in fact, quite a few women less sexy than Jennifer Aniston.

10. Ann Coulter

Personality counts for a lot, where sexiness is concerned, so this was a pretty easy call. I've met inflatable women sexier than Ann Coulter.

9. Helen Lovejoy

Why'd they have to kill Maude Flanders? Maude was the gentler, more forgiving soul. Helen is just Gladys Kravitz with rabbit features.

8. Nancy Spungen

The thing is, as annoying as Chloe Webb's portrayal of Sid Vicious's doomed co-dependent in Alex Cox's Sid and Nancy, by all accounts she was just as horrific in real life. A sad end, to be sure, for a young woman reportedly suffering from mental illness, but...that voice. Jesus.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar