The highly anticipated Third Annual "What to Do With Kids" List of Worst Role Models has been released, and I bet you are not the least bit surprised as to who takes home the prize as the celebrity you want your children to have nothing to do with - Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber.
How shocking! I would be sure that parents across the country who voted in this pole (all 823 of them) would just love Cyrus' recent naked romp on a wrecking ball or Bieber's latest portraits, which should be titled, "Nude with Guitar." But no! Parents just don't understand artistic expression, I suppose. Ninety percent of all votes made named these two previous poster children of cleanliness and Puritanical values as the absolute worst. Obviously, I am being sarcastic. What parent, Madonna aside, is in love with these two duds as of late?
No one on the list comes as much of a shock. No. 2 on the male list is rapper Kayne West. But he's a new dad, how can he be such a poor role model? Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he keeps beating up photographers and cursing out people on his Twitter feed. Who knows? Other dudes on the list include Chris Brown, Lance Armstrong and "Male Rappers." Apparently parents just lump all male rappers into one category and that category is "bad." Parents, haven't you ever heard of the Christian rap scene?
The worst women role models also come as no surprise. Rihanna and her belly-baring, Molly downing self is at No. 2, with Kim Kardashian, Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes taking spots 3-5 respectively. Ehh, I'm sure none of them are crying over the results of this poll.
What I found more shocking was who made the "Best Role Model" list. No. 1 best role model in the male category is One Direction, the band. The whole band is the best role model for your children. Yes their British accents are so charming, but they have been known to throw a few back and then throw a few up because of the number they threw back the night before. But they look like puppies and marshmallows, so we'll push their publicized indiscretions aside.
No. 1 Best Female Role Model was none other than boyfriend bashing, other women-hating, anti-everything but Keds, Taylor Swift. Really, she's the best role model for our kids? Not Hilary Rodham Clinton or Chief Justice Sonya Sotomayor or Diane Sawyer or someone with a college education; parents would rather have their children learn life lessons from Taylor Swift. OK, just don't tell the feminists anything about this.
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No. 3 on the female list is Selena Gomez. Moms and dads (although I assume mostly moms), you guys all hear about this movie called Spring Breakers? Didn't think so.
Gomez' male counterpart is something called "A Boys Father." My initial thought was, wow, I am old that I've never heard of this new boy band, but furthermore what a shitty name for a boy band; did you pick this up from one of those DNA discovery Maury-type shows? And then I realized that parents actually voted that "a boy's father" is the third best role model for their children (behind 1D and Justin Timberlake of course). This logic is riddled with holes. We've already established that 80 percent of the Worst Role Model list is comprised of various people's fathers and you said they were no good. Although I will argue in favor of Snoop Lion being an excellent role model for his two sons.
Rounding out the lists at No. 5 is our commander in chief Barack Obama and, let's face it, his female counterpart, Oprah Winfrey. Again, parents, you would rather have Harry Styles and Jennifer Lawrence babysit your children than our own president? This is a new type of low for the president's approval rating. Get on this research Republicans!
All-in-all this is an odd compilation of people that we feel are good and bad for our children. Will Smith said it best, but then, he didn't even make it on to this list at all.