Dear Willie D:
My man used to be fine. He played football in college, stayed active, and kept his looks up all through his thirties. But now that he’s in his forties, he’s grossly overweight and has become a couch potato. I used to love seeing him naked, now I hate it so much that sex with him is repulsive. I would rather masturbate.
I tried to get him to come to the gym with me but he won’t go, nor will he stop eating fried foods and consuming bad carbs. We used to have sex every day. Now we might do it once a month. I feel that my situation is hopeless but if you have any ideas that might reverse my misfortunes, I’m all ears.
Once a month sex? That’s only 12 times a year. It sounds like you still love your husband; you just hate what the extra pounds has done to his appearance. You must have married your husband for something other than his looks: He’s generous, he makes you feel safe, he treats you well, he’s a hard worker. Whatever those qualities are, draw from them the next time it’s going down, and step up your frequency.
If you can’t bring yourself to love your husband for what he is instead of what he looks like, you don’t have a home; you’re simply playing house. On a personal note, masturbation is cool, but hot and steamy soaked intimate uninhibited wow-that-was-some-amazing sex, well, that’s hard to beat. No pun intended.
WHAT DO I DO IF HE NEVER WANTS TO HAVE CHILDREN?
Dear Willie D:
The guy I’m dating is sweet, kind, and generous. The only problem is, he is adamant about not bringing children into this world. He says the world is morally corrupt and too dangerous. I love children and would like to have them someday.
I believe it takes people like us to change the world and make it better. But he disagrees. He says the evil people are too powerful and will never relinquish control. He is 26, and I’m 25. Are we at an impasse?
Yes, you are, but being the hopeless romantic I am, I can’t help but tell you to give it one more shot. I’ve seen people who were dead-set against having children. Then bam! A few years pass and they’re warming bottles and changing diapers.
Give yourself a deadline for your guy to change his mind. There’s no one-size-fits-all deadline, but if you really believe he’s the right one, 2-5 years is reasonable. If the deadline expires and he’s still not on the same page as you, turn the page and start a new chapter of your life without him. Good luck; I’m rooting for you.
CAN MY BOSS AT THE RESTAURANT WHERE I WORK FORCE ME TO PAY FOR A WALK-OUT?
Dear Willie D:
The manager at the restaurant where I currently work took $28.67 out of my tips for a dine-and-dash. I was waiting on a customer. When I went to the kitchen to check on another customer’s order and came back, she was gone. I can’t control whether someone wants to pay for their meal or not. I can only take their order and serve them.
When I told my manager what happened, she was like, 'Oh well, it’s coming out of your tips.' Can she do that?
This is what the U.S. Department of Labor had to say:
Tipped employees are those who customarily and regularly receive more than $30 per month in tips. Tips are the property of the employee. The employer is prohibited from using an employee’s tips for any reason other than as a credit against its minimum-wage obligation to the employee (“tip credit”) or in furtherance of a valid tip pool.
Only tips actually received by the employee may be counted in determining whether the employee is a tipped employee and in applying the tip credit.
So the answer is no. Your manager can’t force you to pay for a walk-out with your tip money, nor can she take it out of your check. Of course, she could make up some bogus excuse to fire you if you push back too hard. So I guess the question is, how bad do you want that $28.67 back?
I FEEL BAD FOR BLAMING MY GIRL FOR A MISCARRIAGE
Dear Willie D:
I got a job that is a couple of notches up the ladder and keeps me busy, so I haven’t been as attentive to my girlfriend, who lost our baby through miscarriage. I blamed her because she is always on the go. I felt that if she wasn’t working out, and trying to be in 50 places at one time, our baby would be alive today.
After we lost the baby, I started noticing everything I didn’t like about her. But I realized that she is a good woman and the problem was me, not her. I was looking for someone to blame for my pain, and I buried myself in work.
I told her that I love her, and I was sorry for being an a**hole. She accepted my apology, but I would like to do something nice for her to show her that I really appreciate her. I’m asking you and your readers on Facebook for suggestions.
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Miscarriage of Judgement:
Women love gifts, so you can’t go wrong buying her something nice such as a designer purse or shoes. If you don’t know the brand she prefers, ask her mom or her best friend. Also, a quick weekend getaway to reconnect might do the trick.
Above everything, changing your behavior, and making good on your word is the best way to show your girl that you appreciate her. Action speaks louder than a credit-card swipe.
Ask Willie D anything at willied.com/ask-willie-d, and come back next Thursday for more of his best answers.