Earlier this afternoon, online of course, the Houston Press revealed the winners of our very first ever Houston Web Awards. The awards will be handed out in the flesh tomorrow night at Momentum Audi on Richmond, because it's still very hard to email someone a trophy.
The awards start at 7 p.m. and will be hosted by Brittanie Shey and Craig Hlavaty, esteemed members of Team Rocks Off. Even better, one of the busiest Houstonians both online and in the real world, talented "Luv It Mayne" rapper Fat Tony, will be there as "special guest" - DJ, presenter and performer. Tony does it all.
Tony and producer Tom Cruz are currently working on the follow-up to last year's much-adored LP RABDARGAB, which the rapper tells us will be out this winter on Greedhead, the label owned by Heems of Das Racist. We don't know where he finds the time, but a man's still gotta eat, so Rocks Off asked the Fat One to tell us a few of his favorite songs about food. He didn't disappoint.
Tony eats, he says, "Not only to hold true to my much-adored, cartoon-mafia-derived moniker and former body dysmorphic disorder more commonly known as adolescence, but to fucking survive. These are the songs that have fueled every lift of fork to mouth and ass to toilet."
Descendents, "I Like Food"
"Any song under 20 seconds that contains two of my favorite nouns (burgers & fries) and two of my favorite adjectives (juicy & greasy) is truly a tune after my own heart. I like my music like I like my women - easy and with a limited vocabulary."
Goodie Mob, "Soul Food"
I never grew up enjoying most soul food very much but I love Goodie Mob. I'm 99 percent sure my grandmother is quite disappointed by both of these things.
Shonen Knife, "Brown Mushrooms"
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I hate mushrooms but love Shonen Knife, easily the greatest Japanese Ramonescore rock and roll band to ever sing about food ever. Also my favorite band with the word "knife" in their name (followed by No Knife, of course). Luckily, I saw Shonen Knife at an Austin festival couple years back. In the middle of their set the punkest of punk pack of teenage brats (most likely stoned off glue) shoved me and other average-looking citizens all the way the fuck out the way to get to the front, but soon as I started slam-dancing into them they begin whine and tell me how "not cool" I'm being. Life is strange.
"Hanging out on second avenue / eating chicken vindaloo / I just want to be with you / I just want to have something to do" is the most romantic verse about boredom stemming from hunger, longing, and loneliness I've ever heard. They don't make 'em like they used to.
Beastie Boys, "Egg Man"
Eggs are great, man. I think you vegans got the wrong idea. How can you hate a food that works so well as a meal and a projectile? Just might egg the next PETA rep in these streets I see passing out pamphlets. Might have to wait 'til the fall though. I know you guys are very busy with Warped Tour and overpriced festivals from coast to coast.
The Time, "Ice Cream Castles"
The Time aka Prince is a modern-day MLK with this lovely little ditty about cutting the malarkey and diving deep into racial harmony through interracial dating before we cease to exist in this little ol' world. Plain and simple, fucking is the key to world peace. Especially when paired with dessert. If my tongue, her body, strawberry ice cream and a dorm room to ourselves taught me to be a man at age 18, I'm sure it can do good for bigots worldwide. "U are fine, U are white, I am of color/ Let's fall in love." Need he say more?
R. Kelly, "Sex In the Kitchen"
This is the most beautifully sung, passionate declaration of "girl, I'm ready to toss your salad" I have ever heard. "While making love, girl, I'll be feasting you." Am I going greener if I buy organic and thrust myself into my lover on a bed of quinoa? That's gotta count for something, right?
E-40, "Carlos Rossi"
Carlo Rossi, the drink of champions and my most very favoritest alcoholic beverage (the sangria flavor, of course). Delicious, potent, and affordable. "The man behind the counter at the liquor loves me (hello, my friend!) / Be damn near ready to hug me."
Black Flag, "Black Coffee"
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When you're out of Carlo Rossi, the next best thing is coffee. It really comes in handy when depressed and enraged like the deranged young man in this tune. "Drinking black coffee/ And stare at the wall." Can't think of a better way to spend the day when feeling "stabbed through my heart," especially when it's all in your mind.
Weird Al Yankovic, "Eat It"
The man who first taught me singing about food was not only hip but hilarious too. Without this there may have never been a "Nigga, U Ain't Fat." I salute you, Al.
At the moment, Tony's next show after the Web awards is August 5 at Warehouse Live with Z-Ro, Slim Thug, Devin the Dude, Afroman, Uzoy, Myth and DJ Matt Murdock, but he doesn't turn down a gig very often. Stay abreast on his Facebook page.