Frank "The Tank" Stortini: Flashes Four Kids and Issues Weird Challenge, Police Claim

A College Station roofer has been charged with four counts of indecency with a child by exposure after police claimed that the man exposed his penis to four children at an apartment complex swimming pool on Saturday

According to an arrest affidavit reported in the Bryan-College Station Eagle, a quartet of kids ranging from four to twelve years old were frolicking in the pool when 43-year-old Frank Stortini swam up to a nine-year-old girl and introduced himself as "Frank the Tank." He then asked the girl "if she wanted a ride" on an emergency flotation device. The report goes on to say that when the girl declined that offer and swam away, he hurled the device at the child, jumped out of the pool and skulked off to his unit....

...Only to reappear minutes later on the balcony, wearing only a towel. According to the report, Stortini's junk was easily visible to everyone in the pool.

And Stortini's little show was allegedly far from over.

The same parent -- a mother, recording to the report -- told the kids to look away from the hideous spectacle above and told Stortini to go back inside his apartment.

According to the affidavit, Stortini "yelled something about 'in Connecticut you will be killed for telling a man to go back inside.'"

'Cause, you know, in the Nutmeg State, that rugged land of two-fisted hedge-fund managers and fierce investment bankers, the last thing you want to do is to tell someone to go inside.

So, had it ended there, a good defense attorney would likely have had a decent chance of getting Stortini off with a lesser charge, or possibly even scot-free.

That talk about riding on flotation devices? My client was just being friendly. Allegedly throwing it at her? My client thought she was in need of it. Some kids see your tallywhacker under a towel? My client made an honest mistake. Who among us has not accidentally shown some asscrack at some point in our lives? My client's display was just a difference of degree.

But it didn't end there. According to the report, Stortini allegedly whipped off the towel to give all below an even better view.

That was when police were called. Stortini was arrested shortly thereafter in his apartment.

In Texas, a person commits indecent exposure when they display their genitals or anus with the intent to arouse or gratify their sexual desire. When such a display is directed toward an adult, it is a class B misdemeanor, the same as a first-time DWI.

However, directed towards a child, indecent exposure is a third-degree felony, punishable by up to ten years in prison. Stortini now faces four such cases, and if he is convicted of two, he will have to register as a sex offender.

And if those convictions should come it would be extremely ironic, since Frank the Tankis a member of the "Don't Allow Registered Sex Offenders on Facebook!!!" group on the ubiquitous social networking site.

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John Nova Lomax
Contact: John Nova Lomax