Quite a few Vietnamese places in this week's reports, from Midtown to the west side. And at the end of this post we address peeing outside, so stick around.

Pho Saigon (2808 Milam) got hit with five violations last week: dirty non-food-contact surfaces; dirty floors; raw food and cooked food not separated well enough to prevent contamination (corrected on site); improperly designed or maintained equipment; and potentially hazardous food held at improper temperatures (corrected). We wonder if there's a Pho Ho Chi Minh City somewhere out there for all you Jane Fonda types. You heard us.

Van Loc (3010 Milam) did well in a recent inspection. Their only violation was not keeping proper timekeeping records for certain foods.

City inspectors did not go to the remodeled Mai's, probably because it wasn't 2:30 a.m. and they weren't drunk.

Cali (3030 Travis), which objectively speaking has better banh mi than Les Givral's, didn't do quite as well as Van Loc. Inspectors turned up six violations: potentially hazardous food stored at improper temperatures (corrected); food not protected from potential contamination (corrected); glassware, utensils or dishes not handled in a manner that prevents contamination; dirty non-food-contact surfaces; raw food and cooked food not separated well enough to prevent contamination (corrected on site); and improperly sanitized moist cleaning cloths.

Com Tam Kieu Giang (11209 Bellaire, in Hong Kong City Mall) also registered six violations, all of which were corrected on site: improperly sanitized moist cleaning cloths; potentially hazardous food being cooled improperly; premises affording the harborage/feeding of insects or rodents; food not protected from potential contamination; not enough hand-drying devices or sanitary towels; and, well, "Equipment requiring unsafe lubricants not designed to prevent leaks/drippage/forced into food or onto food-contact surfaces from lubricant."

Le Viet (11328 Westheimer) earned three violations: potentially hazardous food not held at proper temperature in cold storage; no appropriate thermometer present in cold storage unit; and improper temperature measurement on the dish-washing machine.

One final non-Vietnamese entry: Feast (219 Westheimer) was re-inspected after some piss-poor timing led to a Health Department employee allegedly witnessing co-owner James Silk urinating behind the restaurant during service. The rest of the report wasn't great, either. But the second look was fine -- all inspectors found Friday was no Food Dealer's Permit, and premises affording the harborage/feeding of insects or rodents. The latter is usually bad, but apparently it was just a dead possum behind the building. No one can control where possums decide to die.

The alleged urination episode provided some excellent material for KPRC Channel 2 reporter Amy Davis. Although our response is belated, Ms. Davis, we'd like to request that you check your indignation. The report was interesting -- very hard-hitting, beautifully edited and featuring an excellent soundtrack -- but the fact is, peeing outside is fun and environmentally friendly. The people you interviewed about the issue look more confused than anything else.

We're proponents of gender equality, but thanks to biological logistics, most women aren't familiar with the pleasure of outdoor urination. We suggest you invest in a product that will allow you to overcome this handicap. After you try peeing outside once, we bet you'll never pretend to get angry and bother someone's wife about it again.

Just wash your hands afterward.