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| Burgers |

(Possibly) On the Menu: The McGangBang

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It was a lovely Sunday afternoon. I was sitting in a room full of friends as we laughed, noshed on fruit cocktail, enjoyed a non-fruit cocktail or two and finished setting out the day's "spread" when it happened. You could smell it before it even hit the door. McDonald's was here.

While others brought baked ham, bunny bread, carrot cake and roast pork to Sunday's Easter festivities, my friend Mike had another idea. He had just come off a 40-day fast-food-fast for Lent and he wanted Mickey D's...he wanted it bad. Enter The McGangBang - When One Heart Attack Cheeseburger Just Ain't Enough (shot copyright!).

According to Urban Dictionary (and when is that not accurate), the McGangBang originated at a Daytona Beach McDonald's in 2006. The ungodly lovechild between some of the Dollar Menu's finest, it was originally described as a self-assembled sandwich made with two cheeseburgers and a spicy chicken filet. But as the dollar menu evolved, so has the McGangBang. Today, you can enjoy the sandwich in all its glory, an entire Hot 'n Spicy McChicken stuffed between a McDouble, for only $2 + tax.

Good luck ordering it, though. While, astonishingly enough, several degenerates on the interwebs have confirmed that there are McDonald's that do in fact recognize the McGangBang by name and serve the sandwich to you fully assembled, you'll most likely be stumbling trying to explain the "secret menu item" to a very uncomfortable employee while your friends laugh at you in the backseat. For those brave enough to face the awkwardness, it's become a bit of a thrill, some even posting their successes and fails on YouTube. By the way, #thisiswhywe'refat.

As for my friend Mike, he attempted the order, tried explaining it, and immediately regretted his decision as he hung his head in shame. He then picked up his unassembled dollar menu items and pretended he'd never said the word gangbang to the lady at the drive-thru window. Shame is probably what one feels after a gangbang anyway, so how fitting it was.

Cursing ourselves and Mike and that dbag in Daytona who thought of this in the first place, we assembled our McGangBangs. Some opted to stuff in the full chicken sandwich with both buns, some only one bun, and some, because we were at least pretending to care a little bit about ourselves and our future, just the filet, lettuce and tomato (there's also controversy about which of these is the true way to eat the sandwich, but I digress).

Knowing full well I'd reached a new low in my life, I went in for a bite. Thankfully, the sandwich left something to be desired (and for that reason alone, I know that a higher being must exist in this crazy, messed up world).

The chicken filet did add some crunch and texture not offered by the McDouble, but I could barely taste the cheeseburgers. While this does speak volumes about the quality product that is McDonald's hamburger meat, for a reason unbeknownst to me, I actually like the taste of those mealy little burger patties.

I quickly realized I may as well be eating three sandwiches alone and then killing myself, so I called it quits after one horrifying bite. Sure, the McGangBang and I didn't work out, but we'll always have Easter...


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