Houston's Top Ten Female TV Reporters, Based On A Highly Scientific And Professional System

Our own Miss Pop Rocks wrote an entry some time ago about the Secret Lives of Houston's Hottest Male Newscasters, which seemed...incomplete to me somehow.

I wasn't sure of the exact problem until she followed it up with the admission of her crush on KPRC's Jennifer Reyna, then I realized that by not putting out a list of Houston's hottest female news personalities, Hair Balls has been horribly remiss in its service to the community.

Here then, mostly in no particular order, are the ten lovely network lasses who do their best to distract us from endless tales of child abuse, jack-knifed 18-wheelers, and drug-related murder. (They are all, of course, hard-working professional women who should not be sexualized, just as Hottest Male Newscasters shouldn't.)

10. Andrea Nguyen -- Reporter/Anchor, KIAH (CW 39)
Nguyen's story (she arrived in Houston a five-year-old Vietnamese boat refugee and learned English from country music) is such a quintessential example of the American Dream that it makes you feel guilty for squandering the benefits of your own relatively privileged upbringing by writing snotty blog entries. Then again, she is on that network that airs Gossip Girl and endless Two And a Half Men reruns. Guess that Horatio Alger spirit only gets you so far.

9. Jennifer Reyna -- Reporter, KPRC (NBC 2)
Whether doing the traffic on KPRC can be considered a step up from KLOL's "Outlaw Dave Show" for the former "Miss Rockwear" is a question only she can answer.

All we know is that by throwing Reyna in to do the morning traffic with anchor Lauren Freeman, KPRC is doing its best to...stack the deck against their competitors.

8. Gina Gaston -- Anchor, KTRK (ABC 13)
When Dave Ward, Ed Brandon, and Bob Allen were all still together on Channel 13's evening newscasts, Gaston was a refreshing addition to a studio swimming in high blood pressure meds and Grecian Formula. The age and gender balance has evened out a bit, but Gaston still holds her on alongside the well-preserved Ward.

And she's married to former Rocket Mario Elie. I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I love "Super Mario."

7. Lucy Noland -- Anchor, KHOU (CBS 11)
I'm not sure how she does it (though I have my suspicions), but KHOU's evening new anchor looks better than most news personalities half her age, male or female.

She and strapping co-anchor Greg Hurst are like the Brad and Angelina of Houston's airwaves, only with fewer tattoos and babies, and slightly more simmering sexual intensity.

6. Casey Curry -- Weather, KTRK (ABC 13)
Forecasting the weather in Houston is a thankless job; we're either bitching about the lack of rain (as we have for the last few weeks) or freaking out because a hurricane is lurking offshore.

Curry hasn't completely relaxed in her role as the sole female meteorologist among Houston's TV affiliates, but the phrase "dangerous drought conditions" sounded even less appetizing when Ed Brandon was saying it.

5. Melinda Spaulding -- Anchor, KRIV (Fox 26)
Fox News' strategy of using a pretty face to disguise the fact that its "fair and balanced" news coverage is actually neoconservative bilge is a tactic as old as the network itself, as anyone familiar with the names Courtney Friel and Megyn Kelly will tell you. We may never know whether the anchors delivering the BS posess great intestinal fortitude or are willing participants in the charade, so we'll just have to give Spaulding the benefit of the doubt.

4. Cynthia Cisneros -- Reporter, KTRK (ABC 13)
You heard me. Unlike many stations, KTRK isn't shy about holding on to their female on-air talent even after they start sprouting a few gray hairs or wrinkles (hey there, Deborah Wrigley). And unlike many on this list, Cisneros is a native Houstonian (and former Houston Press Best of Houston winner to boot) whose local roots serve her well as reporter. And as a fellow silver fox, I can say she's totally hot with gray hair.

3. Melissa Wilson -- Anchor, KRIV (Fox 26) On her KRIV bio page, Wilson says she enjoys skydiving and reading, and that her favorite activity is doing everything with her husband and two children. Hopefully she leaves the kids at home when jumping out of planes.

She hails from the DFW area, but we don't hold it against her (much) since she looks a lot like Law and Order: SVU's Mariska Hargitay.

2. Jessica Willey -- Reporter/Anchor, KTRK (ABC 13)
I first became aware of the Channel 13 reporter several years back when the network, in its wisdom, decided to send Willey to Galveston to cover the arrival of a tropical storm. On a pier. In a white blouse. It was a bold strategy, and one that I imagine raised more than flash flood warnings around town. Since then, Willey has proven herself a capable reporter and part-time anchor, though one can still see the looming dread in her eyes whenever mention is made of another system brewing in the Gulf.

1. Daniella Guzmán -- Reporter, KPRC (NBC 2) You may prefer the icy Nordic exterior of a Lauren Freeman, or the amazing reverse-aging Dominique Sachse, but both pale (you'll pardon the expression) next to Houston's own Guzmán.

I understand she's busy, what with reporting on the Gallery Furniture fire and updating us on the status of Galveston's Tremont Hotel, so it's perfectly understandable that she hasn't gotten around to cracking the JFK assassination yet.

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Peter Vonder Haar writes movie reviews for the Houston Press and the occasional book. The first three novels in the "Clarke & Clarke Mysteries" - Lucky Town, Point Blank, and Empty Sky - are out now.
Contact: Pete Vonder Haar